Monday, September 17, 2007

signs of attachment

We had a nice quiet weekend around here. Smiley decided to sleep for a record 7 hours Saturday night and Zman and I were both grateful for the uninterrupted sleep. He hasn’t regulated himself to any kind of schedule yet but I’m used to it since neither of the girls were ever on a schedule at that age.

I’m a big kisser and love to shower my children’s faces with smooches anytime I’m in range. Smiley has always liked my kisses. From the first day he would give a big grin every time I kissed his head or cheek, but just this weekend he has started leaning in for more kisses. I’ll kiss his cheek a couple of times and then pull back and he’ll press his face back against me for more kisses. It’s so sweet and I think a definite sign that he is beginning to bond with me as his mom.

The biggest change I noticed over the weekend though is that Smiley has started showing a preference for me. He is content with Zman holding him but only if he can’t see me. If I walk into the room he goes nuts and starts lunging for me, fussing until I pick him up. While it can be exhausting being the focus of his affections, it’s a great sign that we have started the attachment process. It also makes mommy very happy.

Both of our girls preferred me to Zman at this age (Princess more than Cookie) and I always attributed it to the fact that I was the lunch wagon. Sometime it felt like they only loved me for my breasts! With Smiley, I know that breasts have nothing to do with it and that he really is starting to attach and bond with me. I need the ego boost right now because I’m finding being the mom of three a very challenging transition.

I mentioned briefly before that Princess is the one having the most trouble with all the changes. She has resorted to monster temper tantrums that leave Zman and I reeling. On Saturday she would not stop fighting with Cookie so after several warnings I asked her friend to go home for the day. This cause her to scream, kick, and pinch me and I finally had to bodily carry her to her room. Once there she proceeded to kick the walls and destroy her belongings until I lost my temper and stormed in there…

Unfortunately when I threw open the door she was standing right behind it and ended up with a huge goose egg on her forehead and a split lip. I felt like the worst mom in the world. I still feel terrible about it. Although I know it was an accident, I still blame myself for losing my temper. If I had kept my cool and just walked in there like a normal human then this never would have happened.

Princess has always had a hard time with controlling her temper but I haven’t seen fits like these since the first 6 months after Cookie was born. I had put a lot of that behavior down to the terrible 3’s, but now I’m not so sure. I feel like there’s not enough of me to go around right now. Smiley is very needy of my time and whenever he’s napping or Zman has him, Cookie is clamoring to climb on my lap, or the dishes or laundry need attention, or we need to eat something. I know that we will all find our groove eventually; I just hope that happens before I completely lose my mind!


Maggie said...

I'm glad Smiley's starting to attach. That's great news. I'm sorry that this is so hard on your girls. Maybe Princess was imagining something different -- a fun little brother to play with, but not a little baby that saps so much of her mother's time. I hope she starts to soften to him and adjust to the new routine soon. Maybe some dedicated Mommy time is necessary for Cookie and Princess.

Tami said...

The transition to three is definitely difficult...but I promise you'll make it. And Princess and Cookie will make it too! :) Just give it some time.
Q-ball had a terrible time when we brought Punky and JacJac home. I would say it took probably six months for things finally settle down.
I'm expecting trouble this time around too...JacJac has a temper! I can't wait to see what kind of fury he has in store for us! :)
Hang in will get better. You're doing a great job with all three of them!