Sunday, August 5, 2007

Ch ch ch changes

I have finally broken out the suitcases! We have one open on the guest bed and that has become the staging area for packing. Right now I’m just throwing things into the bed that I think we are taking with us. Later in the week I’ll sort through tha piles with my packing list in one hand and everything that is definitely going with us will get tossed into the suit case. We won’t finalize packing until the day before we leave but I hope to have 90% of everything ready by then. Zman is the master packer in the family so while I will do all of the assembling, he will be the one to actually make it all fit.

I’m starting to get nostalgic about the trip. I remember being this way not long before both of my girls were born, but not to this extent because we didn’t know when exactly they would arrive (both came before schedule!) I find myself wanting to capture exactly what our lives are like at this moment because I know that they will never be like this again. The entire dynamic of our family is changing and while that is wonderful, it’s also a bit sad to me. We have to give up this path to take the new one and this path has been amazing. I’m sure the new path is wonderful too but it’s also an unknown; a little scary and different from the comfortable path I’m used to.

Zman is away on a business trip this weekend and I find myself thinking “This is the last time he will go away on a trip and I’ll be alone with just 2 kids. The next time he leaves for business will be after Smiley is home!” It’s hard to believe that we are already getting into “lasts”. The last time I go to pool as a mom of two kids, the last time I visit with a friend before we bring our son home, the last time I make a certain dinner with out a baby on my hip… you get the idea. Soon it’ll be the last time I kiss only two kids goodnight and the last time I leave the house without a diaper bag slung over one shoulder. The last time I see my house before it’s home to one more person, and the last time I fly out of our airport as the person I am right now.

When we get back I will be a person who as traveled to Africa. I will have seen poverty and loss on a level I can’t even imagine right now. I will be the mom to a son who has lost so much and will always be searching for identity. I will be that conspicuous parent who draws attention in grocery stores and at the mall. We will be a trans-racial, trans-cultural family.

I can’t wait!


MMrussianadoption said...

I am happy for you. those 13 days will be done before you know it. I cant wait to see pictures from Africa.

Jen said...

Carrie, you put this so beautifully. The gain also has to be balanced by the loss. I think it's great that you're acknowledging that now, knowing that they do go hand-in-hand. I have felt inklings of this myself, as we should have our referral any day now. You captured it in a way that I hadn't thought of. And, like all risks, there are great rewards. Smiley will be so much that and more. I bet you won't think about the old life after he's here. Take care and I'll "see" you on the board.

Waiting for Iyasu said...

Wow, you are so close to travel time! I'm excited for you.

chou-chou said...

This is so exciting!!! I pack that way too - throw everything on the guest bed over the course of about a week, and then try to take about HALF and fit it into the bags. :-)

Jenny and Matt said...

I am so excited to hear about your trip and see that sweet baby boy at home with you all!