Tuesday, July 22, 2008

An Open Letter

To The Passengers of Alaska Airline Flight ---:

My sincerest apologies for misery that was Sunday's fight. I didn't realize the shear decibel that was achieved in our row until I took a little side trip to the back of the plane to use the facilities and discovered that you could still hear him 20 rows away. (Why yes, I do think he may have a future in the opera.) I wish I had ear plugs to pass out to all of you or at least some Valium for myself.

I could go into the whole adoption and attachment issues which complicate things in this situation but lets just say that I've learned my lesson about lap children.

So sorry,
A frazzled mama.

To The Flight Attendant greeting people as they left the plane:

I love getting parenting advice from complete strangers. I, in fact, did not know that the passengers around me would have been happier if my son wasn't scramming. I thought everyone loved it as much as I do. I also didn't know that I should "train" him to stop that. You know I was just sitting there eating bon-bons and painting my nails but now, thanks to you, I know that I should be trying to do things to get him to stop screaming. Thanks!

Here's a dilemma though... What should I do when he wants to get down and run around the plane during take-off and landing (when you were quiet implicit that we should remain in our seats with seat belts securely fastened) and when I don't allow him to do so, he reacts in a developmentally appropriate way for an 18 month old? What should I do when he wants to put down the tray table and use it as a step to climb on the head of the woman in front of me? Tough huh?

Now, here's a tip for you. When you see a mother who is covered in yogurt. mashed gram crackers, and apple juice who is obviously frazzled and one step away from collapse and still has yet another plane to board, an appropriate response would be to simply wish her a better day and be happy you are not her; nastiness only makes everything harder. Also, just because I was out of earshot doesn't mean that my husband couldn't hear your nasty remarks to the people behind me in line. It's a good thing your airline has a monopoly in the state of Alaska or you would have lost a customer Sunday.

Up your's,
A mom who has been pushed too far.

To the passengers of Horizon Flight ----:

Be thankful, be very thankful. While the 10 minutes of screaming during take off was annoying, it could have been much, much worse; just ask the people from our first flight. I attribute the subsequent singing, laughing, and playing peek-a-boo with everyone to the hard won 30 minute nap I managed to convince him to take during our 3 hour lay-over. I was very nice to see you smiling at his antics as he loudly proclaimed "WOW" over and over and over again during landing.

Thanks for the laughs,
A grateful mom.

To the housekeeping staff at our Portland hotel:

If you think this is bad you should see my house. Enjoy the nice fat tip.

Better you than me,
Mom on vacation

To All the people traveling home with us in 2.5 weeks:

I apologize in advance. I looked into getting the baby his own seat on the way home but feel that the kids would be upset if I spent their college savings on this... that almost didn't deter me though. I am getting over my usual disapproval of such things and plan to purchase some baby Benadryl for your (and not so incidentally, my) benefit.

You're welcome,
A tired mom.

To my blog friends in Oregon:

I'm here!! If you've read through this whole post and STILL want to get together, let me know. We will be spending most of the next few weeks at my in-laws house in Corvallis and are hopefully meeting up with some local adoptive families while we are here.

Hope to meet you,
Carrie




10 comments:

Type (little) a said...

I totally LOL'ed at "Up Yours"

:-)

My daughter pitched a bitch on the Santa Train. Even santa didn't stop. Sigh.

Maggie said...

Hilarious.

Anne said...

Oh my, sorry to be laughing. Really.

Have a great time -- and try not to think about the trip home! :)

Elle said...

If I weren't leaving in a week to go on my own 2 week vacation I would totally say we should hook up when you are up at Great Wolf. It's only about an hour from my house. Unfortunately, I will be accompanying 6 highschoolers to a youth convention with 1000 other highschoolers.

Tami said...

Oh, that sounds horrible. I almost feel bad about laughing outloud. :) A word of caution! Try the Benedryl the night before, otherwise you may end up with a really BAD case of deja vu. ;>)

habeshachild said...

Holey moley!! I would laugh, but I have 4 plane trips (with Elsa on my lap) coming up in the next few weeks, and I am petrified that this is going to happen to me too!!

Luckily you have a (fabulous) sense of humor about it.

The Lewis Brothers said...

(other than the plane trips) how did you like our neck of the woods? My hub's college is over in Corvalis and he also worked at the hospital there for his internship.
Did you happen to check out the Saturday Market? There was actually a booth that was labeled, "Meet a Black Guy". Said "black guy" just hung out all day while folks stopped by, shook his hand and took pics with him.
It was supposed to be some kind of joke as Corvalis isn't terribly diverse.
It was on our local news and everything.
I can't quite figure out if it's funny or offensive...

WMW said...

Oh my...our lap baby let us off REALLY easy on our trip! But you have such better stories...that will be funny in about 15 years.

We're home now so if you think you can make it to the coast or other plans are forming, let me know! We're just 1.5 hours away from each other right now--practically next door, relatively speaking, right?

Wendy

Sig said...

sorry, I know this wasn't funny, but man am I hysterical.
Screw em all. Glad you got there in one peice!

bodegalee said...

Oh I so hope you sent your letters to the airline! I found your blog thru a friends and it's great. Your son is beautiful. Congrats! Being cooped up on a plane for a million and one hours with baby who isnt completely comfy with you (and even when they are :)) can be hellacious! BUT those flight attendants should be ashamed - grhhhhh!

Leigh