Thursday, June 21, 2007

Crab Apple

I'm beginning to think that my adoption crankiness is here for the duration. Those that know me know that I'm normally a very positive, upbeat kind of person so this constant state of irritability is highly out of character. I try hard to find my inner Pollyanna; I know I have so much to be thankful for. I desperately try all my optimistic tricks for improving my outlook but the black cloud seems to be a permanent fixture. Since I've never been this way before I'm not sure if this is just a passing adoption related thing or if I should be talking to my doctor.

I really do have so many blessings to be grateful for. It seems very selfish to be so down when there is real suffering and sorrow in the world. I want to be able to enjoy my family as it is right this moment because I know that soon the whole dynamic will change and nothing will ever be the same as it is right now. My children are so precious and full of light and energy and I want to be able to soak that in. My soul needs to be watered with their infectious laughter and I'm desperately trying to let that happen.

My goal for the rest of the month is to write down at least one thing everyday that makes me happy. Today what made me happy was watching Cookie's face as she jumped from the side of the pool into the waiting arms of her teacher. She was so thrilled with herself and her own daring. I love that she has such an open heart that she can trust someone she barely knows to catch her.


Tricia said...

i think we should start a club!