Friday, March 9, 2007

Facing Loss

Rhonda’s recent post about Bonnie reminded me of this post I read a few weeks ago. I found it to be an amazing testament to all the things our adopted children experience before they enter our lives. In fact, this has been one of the hardest things for me to work through when considering adopting.

I have been with my girls from the moment they came into the world. I have been blessed to be able to help share their experiences from the first minute of life. Sure, they are not always with me and I can’t control everything that happens to them, nor would I want to, but I at least know what is happening in their lives and what manner of people they are encountering.

It’s frightening to think about parenting a child who we know has had a least one extremely traumatic event happen in their young lives; the loss of their parents and subsequent orphanage stay. That alone can cause lasting pain in a child, even an infant, but we won’t know if that is all our children have been through. Have they been abused, malnourished, have they witnessed atrocities? Most of these children come to us with limited to non existent histories; their stories will remain a mystery.

This all sounds so daunting to me, an adoptive parent. How can I help my child heal from wounds I don’t know are there? How can I bolster self-esteem in a child who may have been discarded, abused, and unwanted? How can I help them accept that we may never know their story. I don’t know.

I hope that I can provide enough unconditional love, acceptance, and understanding to help my child work through his past and find healing and peace. I hope that I will always be aware of all that my child has lost in the adoption process as well as all he has gained.

Dawn says:

My baby has had so much loss. Adoption is so wonderful and such a blessing. But I also can't deny the incredible losses my baby is dealing with. Sometimes it's more than I can bear and I pray that God will show me a way of dealing through this...sorrow? I don't know, guilt?

I feel so blessed that I will see this child ride her first bike. I will be the one to teach her to read. I will be the one who guides her through those turbulent teen years. I will be the one with her on her wedding day. I will be the one to cry tears of joy with her after she's given birth to her first child. And I am overwhelmed by all the parts of this triangle of love and loss.

I look at her and I think of how much her birthparents are missing. She is a wonderful child. So vibrant and so full of life and love. Do they think about her deep into the night or have their hearts shut that part of reality out? Why of all the people in the universe has God chosen us to parent Emilee Marta? I cannot fathom God's heart for adoption. His adoption of us. We hated Him and He chose us.


So much loss.

So much blessing.




Tricia said...

Wow - how very certainly puts things in perspective, doesn't it???

I am anxiously waiting for your referral announcement! You have had a long journey and it is YOUR TIME!!!! :) I will be so excited when you receive your news!!

Happy Saturday!