I had several people ask me this question recently. I’m more open and excited about our adoption now that we are paper ready. I’m talking about it more with folks that didn’t know we were adopting and this always seems to be the first question on everyone lips. I wish I had a quick, succinct reply but how do you compress 2 years worth of research, discussion, and thought?

When I knew I wanted to adopt, long before Z-man was on board with the idea, I began researching adoption. At the time, adoption seemed like a really foreign concept. I didn’t know any one who had adopted a child or anyone who’d been adopted. I had one child I loved more than life and was pregnant with number two. Big questions in my mind then were, can you love an adopted child as much as a bio and would an adopted child ever be “normal”.

The thing that really helped me the most in understanding the process of adoption was reading other people’s adoption stories. Following their journey, hearing their excitement, seeing their beautiful children, witnessing their endless joy, all helped me to realize that adoption is not different than childbirth in any lasting way. Sure there were tough adjustments, behavioral problems, and tears but I had all those when Princess joined our family. I finally could see that adoption was just another way to build a family rather than a consolation prize for those unable to get pregnant or a gold star on the forehead of the socially conscious.

When I was searching the internet for adoption stories, 99% of the ones I found were about China. Within months I knew everything someone not actually in the process could know about Chinese adoption. I joined the big yahoo message group, followed every link, book-marked every helpful resource. I did searches about other programs, but I was sure that we would adopt from China.

Around this time a mom I knew from a mothering board I frequented brought home her son from Ethiopia. I followed her story with interest. I didn’t even know there was an Ethiopian adoption program. In all of my internet searching I had never run across anything that talked about it or heard from anyone who had adopted from there. I was interested because of the novelty; I was very secure in our adoption plans. But her blog had links and I am an information junky so it didn’t take long for me to find more tidbits of information about Ethiopian adoption.

This is when I began to really think about adopting from Ethiopia. It simmered in the back of my mind and wouldn’t let me be. “We have already decided on China”, I would think but something would whisper Ethiopia.

“We can’t raise a black child. It would be too hard, too much.”…Ethiopia.

“We don’t have enough diversity here, it would never work.” …Ethiopia.

“What would our parents say? We have some real bigots in the gene pool.”…Ethiopia.

And that was how it went. I fought the urge for several months; I’m not sure why now. Maybe this was the journey I had to take to be sure I was ready, that I was good enough, to mother a child I now believe is destined to join our family.

When I finally talked to Z-man about Ethiopia he knew what I was going through. I had mentioned the program several months prior and he couldn’t get it out of his mind either. We both just knew that it was right. That it was meant to be. That Ethiopia was where we would find our child.

So, how do I explain this journey to people; to co-workers and grocery store clerks? How can I condense something that has been deeply personal and spiritual into a one liner? What do you say when someone asks you why?

posted at 11:08 AM  
Labels: Adoption, Ethiopia