Friday, October 27, 2006

earthquake

My surgery is in 3 hours and I’m scared.

That’s not something I’m allowed to say. Here, in real life, I’m the bedrock that my family’s emotional stability is build on; Not only my children and my husband, but all my brothers, sisters, and my mom. I’m the one to sooth fears, wipe tears, and bring chicken soup. I take care of things.

When I have emotional upheavals, the ground begins to shake. They can’t cope in a world where the ground is unstable, not always supporting them. They panic and decide that things must be much worse than they imagined if even the earth is trembling. I inevitably end up calming, soothing and, ironically, apologizing for upsetting things.

I’m going into surgery in 3 hours and I’ve smiled, I’ve downplayed, I’m confident and cheerful. I’ve soothed fears and given hugs. But here with my blog friends, to the universe at large, I’m willing to admit…

I’m scared.




6 comments:

Starfish said...

It's okay to be scared. I've had major surgery so I know what you're feeling. But know that you are knocked out pretty quickly and they give you really good drugs afterwards. If you want to be a rock to your family, then tell the nurses you're scared. I bet they will be extra special and hold your hand through the whole thing. GOOD LUCK and "see" you when you are back!!

Karena said...

It's hard to be the "rock" of the family when you're the one that needs the support. My heart goes out to you, and I hope by the time you read this you'll be p-shawing the fact that you were scared. Good luck and I'm anxiously awaiting your "all clear" post

Jenny and Matt said...

Oh Carrie! I'm sorry you're afraid. By now it's all over - I can't wait to see you back on here, telling us all about it.

Margaret said...

I wish I had read this before you went in. I know how you feel. No matter how "routine" a surgery is to a doctor, it's a big and scary thing for the patient.

Make sure your family gives you time to rest and heal.

Anne said...

I missed this post yesterday morning! Believe me, I know what you're feeling. I've had major surgery twice, once I was 24 hours into labor and in so much pain I was looking forward to be unconscious (really), and once was surgery like yours (not gallbladder, but similar). The second time I was a nervous wreck -- the whole thing is so unsettling and scary. I hope everything went well, and that you're resting comfortably reading this. Keep us posted on your recovery and I hope to hear that everything went well as soon as you're up to blogging again!

chou-chou said...

It's OK to be scared! And, thank God there is a place where you feel safe saying it.

I hope you are now feeling better and reading comments and much relieved that it is behind you.