Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Death by Cough

Princess has a cold. This wouldn't be such a tragedy in and of itself, I'm mean sure she tends to be a bit of a drama queen, especially when sick, but in the vast scheme of childhood illnesses this is really no biggie... or it would be if not for the infamous cough.

Most people when they have a cold save up their coughs and then hack it all up in one big go. This might be every few minutes but it’s a productive, if exhausting, endeavor. My Princess on the other hand will cough a raspy non-productive cough every 5 seconds… She will cough day and night and, like Chinese water torture, it will slowly drive you INSANE. The cough goes on and on until your eardrums start to bleed and you are ready to jab sharp pointy things into them to stop the insanity.

This cough is unfettered by all conventional tricks. Hot tea? Nope. Cold beverages? Nada. Homeopathic? Yeah right! Traditional cough suppressants? Not a chance. The cough mocks us, refusing to be reigned in.

As a parent I naturally want to do everything in my power to help my child when she doesn’t feel well but when she has this cough she is not allowed to sleep in my room. The danger of being smothered with a pillow is too high. I also have a very hard time being in her presence for more than 5 minutes at a time; see water torture comment. Zman is similarly affected; we take turns wearing earplugs at night to drown out the incessant sound while the unlucky parent listens miserably to the cough, able to spring into action in the event of danger.

To this fun, we add back in our drama queen. She makes the most of this evil cough. She starts to introduce each one like it’s a sneeze. Ahhhh, ahhhhh, cough. And then will finish it off with a half choke, half whine. Lovely and not at all likely to make you want to kill yourself...really.

So dear internets, please save my sanity. What cough remedies work for you? Lay your best ideas on me…I’m desperate!


Maggie said...

Is it wrong that I'm laughing at this post? I feel terribly unsympathetic.

Have you tried sitting with her in the bathroom with the shower on hot? The steam sometimes helps.

Christine said...

I rub vick's vapor rub all over the throat and chest. I've also heard to rub the stuff on the soles of the feet, but I have yet to try it.

chou-chou said...

Ummm. The earplugs are a good idea. How about saying "excuse you" every time she coughs - maybe that would become annoying enough that she would actually try to suppress it? Or maybe she would LOVE that and amp up the frequency. God help you.

D.K. said...

I have also heard of vicks vapo rub on the feet. (Recent e-mail that went around) Rub generously on the feet at night and cover the feet with socks. I've been dying to try it, but by husband is the only sick one here and refuses. It's supposed to work very well. Good luck and let us know if anything works.